You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
