Sry I called you an 8
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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