I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Houston, we have a squirter
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize
