So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
