i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
