I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
