is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
