I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
