I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
