When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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