Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
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He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
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He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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