And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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