just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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