My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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