My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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