seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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