oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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