I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
