Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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