They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
