grandma shit on top of the toilet
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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