God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
