i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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