so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
