Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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