just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
