i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
