They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Randomize
