So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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