can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
