Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
