Already got asked if we're dating
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
