I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
