In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
