Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
