so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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