MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
