That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
