This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
