good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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