And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
