I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
