Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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