david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
