Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The struggles of a small town man whore
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
