it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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