my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
