alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We are all done wearing pants today
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
