There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
