if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
