I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
