I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
