I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Actions speak louder than pants.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She even gives head with a lisp.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
