Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
