I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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