I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
