apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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