My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I have fence marks all over my body
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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