dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
