what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize