did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
