Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
