Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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