You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
