You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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