ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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