hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
