I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
